What to do?
by AerisDevlin
Summary: Jou can no longer take Seto's behavior, or lackthereof, so he makes a decision.
1. Jou

Author's note: I know it's a bit cliche, but the songs inspire the content. Story is told from Jou's point of view.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, or "How Far" by Martina McBride.

Warning: Shounen-ai

Part 1 of 2

There he sits in his chair, typing away on his computer, oblivious to everything except his precious work. Standing in the doorway, I can see him frustratedly swipe his chestnut bangs out of his face. As I silently observe him, the love I have for this man nearly overwhelms me. I feel hot tears run down my cheeks at the thought of ever being without him, but I can't do this anymore.

****

There's a boat, I could sail away

There's the sky, I could catch a plane

There's a train, there's the tracks

I could leave and I could choose to not come back

Oh never come back

He asked me to move in with him about a year ago, but I told him I wasn't ready. The way he made me feel and the deep love that he went out of his way to express to me caused me to finally give in. That was 6 months ago. Apparently he used up his entire supply of love and kindness by persuading me to live with him, because for the last few months he's either been treating me like he did when we were in high school, or he's been ignoring me altogether.

**__**

There you are, giving up the fight

Here I am begging you to try

Talk to me, let me in

But you just put your wall back up again

Oh when's it gonna end

Every night I come into his study and I watch him. For hours I'll either stand or sit in the doorway and contemplate how things became like this. Tonight I've finally decided that there's no place for me here. I'm convinced myself that everyone will be better off if I leave. As much as I want to be with him, I know he doesn't need me. I warned him things would be this way and he just shrugged it off. I'd tell him, "I told you so," but I don't think either of us would appreciate the humor. Bracing myself for however he would react, I decided it was now or never.

**__**

How far do I have to go to make you understand

I wanna make this work so much it hurts but I just can't

Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are

So I'm gonna walk away

And it's up to you to say how far

"Seto," I began hesitantly, "I really think we need to talk." He didn't so much as stop typing as he ground out an icy "I'm busy."

"If you won't talk then you're at least going to listen!" I shouted as I spun his chair around to face me. "Since you apparently no longer give a damn about my feelings, I'm not going to take the time to consider what you think right now." God, I was shaking so badly. I had to go through with this though.

**__**

There's a chance I could change my mind

But I won't, not till you decide

What you want, what you need

Do you even care if I stay or leave

Oh what's it gonna be

"I love you so much that sometimes I can't even think straight, but I can't do this anymore. I always believed that what we shared would be enough for me but..." What could I possibly say? How was I supposed to make it clear to him that this couldn't continue any longer? 'Say something please... anything,' I thought.

****

How far do I have to go to make you understand

I wanna make this work so much it hurts but I just can't

Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are

So I'm gonna walk away

And it's up to you to say how far

"What would you like me to do about it?" he asked me quietly. "How would you like _me _to fix the problem?" This time his voice was raised a bit.

"Seto I -"

"Am I supposed to quit my job and spend all my time with you? Maybe one day I'll be the perfect caring partner and we can be happy together for the rest of our lives.... living on the street! Is that what you want, some ridiculous fairy tale life?"

"No! All I want is for us not to be so miserable together but apparently you don't care. If you could suck up some of your pride and admit that we both need to change then maybe things wouldn't be this bad. I thought maybe we could work things out, but I guess I was wrong. There's nothing else that can be done, so at the very lest I can say..." My breath caught in my throat. 'Can I really do this?' I asked myself. 'Do I really even want to?'

**__**

Out of this chair, just across the room

Halfway down the block, or halfway to the moon

By the time I finally worked up the nerve to look at him and tell him what I needed to say, he'd already turned back to his computer. That was what gave me the final push.

"If you ever understand why I'm leaving now, you should also know that there is a slim chance I'll be waiting for you. But I can't wait forever." I'm not even sure he heard me. If he did, he didn't react. I braced myself, this was it. " I hope you live a happy life Seto Kaiba." At that I slowly began to move to the door. 'Come on Jou, make your feet move faster. Don't turn around now.'

****

How far do I have to go to make you understand

I wanna make this work so much it hurts but I just can't

Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are

So I'm gonna walk away

And it's up to you to say

With my hand on the doorframe and my back to the only person I'd ever love, I whispered my farewell.

"I love you Seto. Good-bye."

****

Yeah I'm gonna walk away

And it's up to you to say how far

Hope you liked it! R&R and come back for the second part.


	2. Seto

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Author's note: Sorry it took me so long to write this, but I did try to make it longer than the last chapter, if even a little. This half of the story is told form Seto's point of view. Also, I think I wrote it in a completely different verb tense, but it's not that big of a deal.

****

Disclaimer: I don't own YuGiOh, or "I Can't Sleep" by Clay Walker.

****

Warnings: Shounen Ai

Part 2 of 2 

I thought I could do it, I honestly did. I never wanted to hurt him. I just didn't know how to handle his constant attention. I didn't know how to react, so I just snapped. When he left me, I was dying inside.

****

I've been up all night long

Just waitin' on the sun

There was nothing I wanted more than to just hold him close to me and promise him things would be different. I didn't though, and I haven't slept well in about two weeks. I had accepted that our relationship was going to end eventually, I just wasn't aware of how much it would kill me. On that awful night I was letting him have his say, and letting him go. If I had held him and soothed away all of our problems, things still wouldn't have changed. It would have only hurt him more.

**__**

I've given up damn the dawn

It ain't never gonna come

For the last couple of weeks I've been trying to adjust to his absence but it's not the same. Add to that the fact that Mokuba keeps giving me this extremely disappointed look, and I knew I couldn't go on like this. The year we graduated is when I asked Katsuya to move in with me. That meant that I couldn't seek him out at school. As much as I didn't want to involve the others, I was sure he'd already told them what happened. They were also my only real leads on Katsuya's whereabouts. Yuugi was the first person I could think of so I decided to give him a call.

"yawn...hello?" I heard a sleepy voice murmur. Glancing at the clock I realized that my sleep schedule really was out of whack. It was 3:30 am. 'Oh well,' I thought, " I already woke him up.'

"Yuugi."

"Umm.. Kaiba?"

"I know. I apologize for the late hour, but since I already have you one the phone-"

"Jou's asleep," he cut me off. 'Score! At least I found him.' "He's been crying himself to sleep every night since he's been here." 'Strike! I hope he'll still speak to me,' I mentally berated myself.

"When he wakes, ask him if he's still waiting."

There was a short pause then, "Okay Kaiba.. just don't hurt him again. He really loves you."

**__**

Something's wrong, as long as you're gone

"Thank you Yuugi." With that I hung up the phone and went up to my room. Contrary to what I'd thought would happen, I was now more uneasy than before. I had believed that once I started to make things right again I could breathe easy. Now I was utterly tense and nervous thinking about whether or not Katsuya would choose to return to me. The thought of 'sleeping on it' was laughable, but what other choice did I have?

**__**

I'm not gonna sleep til I touch your face

Baby not a wink I could go for days

'Well here I am,' I thought. 'It's 5:30 in the morning and the only thing running through my mind is 'Jou, Jou, Jou, Jou, Jou, Jou, Jou -' well you get the point.

The sound of the doorbell ringing through the house startled me from my thoughts. I hadn't the slightest idea who would be here at this time. I secretly, or apparently not so secretly, hoped it was Katsuya, but I quickly ruled that out. Nothing could get _him _out of bed this early in the morning unless there was the promise of free food. I was surprised to say the least when I opened the door and saw who standing on the other side. All I could do was mutter an unintelligent, "Oh..."

**__**

If you ever needed to see me down on my knees

Take a look at me, baby I can't sleep

There on my porch stood a very nervous looking Katsuya Jounouchi. I just stared in disbelief. I was sure I was dreaming. He began to fidget uncomfortably, so I stood aside to let him enter.

"Thanks," he mumbled as he passed by me. I closed the door behind him and then we stood there in somewhat of an awkward silence.

"Seto? Please look at me," he whispered ever so softly. My head snapped up immediately. I honestly hadn't even realized that I'd been avoiding his gaze. When I finally made eye contact with him, the guilty ache in my heart nearly split it in two. He looked so sad. I wanted nothing more than to run over and wrap him in my arms, to hold him tightly and promise I'd never let go again. He looked fragile as well. I could tell he was extremely hesitant.

**__**

Remember when you said you wouldn't last

I couldn't swallow my pride

"Katsuya," I began slowly, "Apologies will never be able to repair the damage I've caused to the both of us." As I spoke I started taking small steps toward him. "I'm hoping however, that you'll allow me to make it up to you with my actions. That is," I said uncertainly, " if you still want me." I stood in front of him now, about a foot and half away.

"I.. I.." Katsuya's breath began to come in short gasps. He looked like he was about to have a nervous breakdown. ' Gods. Had I really hurt him this much. I must truly be a monster.'

He reached out a shaky hand as if to touch my face. Catching himself midway, he shook his head slightly and began to lower his hand. Reacting quickly, I grasped his hand in one of my own and held it firmly. Katsuya looked as if he were about to protest, so using my strength to my advantage I pulled him toward me. He stumbled into me and it provided me with the opportunity to wrap my arms completely around him. Once he'd regained his composure, he just stood there with his palms against my chest. Seconds stretched on into minutes and neither of us moved.

**__**

Whoa it's sinkin' in, baby losin' you has

Finally opened my eyes

Then I felt his fists clench my shirt and I knew he was going to struggle.

"Please," he whispered in a choked voice. "Please let me go. Seto.."

"I already did once and look where it landed me."

"Shut up. Shut up! You're just going to lie again," he cried. He began to struggle more violently but I held him tight to me.

'What have I done to you Katsuya?' I thought. 'I had no idea you were this broken.' The incredible pain in my heart and the hysterical boy in my arms overwhelmed me. My eyes began to sting and a foreign wetness made its way down my face. Breathing became difficult and my shoulders began to gently shake.

"Are you... are you crying?" I heard. I hadn't even registered the fact that Katsuya had stopped moving and was now regarding me with a baffled expression.

**__**

I'm wide awake, as long as it takes

"Oh Seto," he whispered. This time when his hand came towards my face, it reached its destination. I closed my eyes as he gently brushed his thumb across my cheek. When I opened them he was staring at me with an awed expression, even though his eyes were still filled with tears.

In a hoarse whisper I said, " Katsuya help me. I need you so much. I can't promise you that I'll change dramatically, but I'll do anything to have you with me again. I just.." I broke off. The thought of losing him after pouring out my heart to him was killing me.

**__**

I'm not gonna sleep til I touch your face

Baby not a wink I could go for days

Before I realized what had happened, Katsuya had thrown his arms around me and buried his head into the side of my neck. I heard a muffled, "I'm sorry," but I didn't want any of that.

"Silly puppy," I mumbled affectionately. I sniffled as a few stray tears fell into his blonde hair. "All of this is my fault. Don't ever blame yourself for any of this. My misguided intentions are the cause of this. We can fix it though. If..." I didn't think I could say it.

Katsuya sniffed and lifted his head to peer up into my eyes. I wiped away the remnants of tears on his face and he leaned his face into my palm. I was filled with warmth as his eyes fluttered closed and he heaved a contented sigh. He brought his hand up and placed it over mine. I felt the caress of his soft lips on my palm as his eyes opened to look at me once more.

**__**

If you ever needed to see me down on my knees

Take a look at me, baby I can't sleep

The determined gleam in his eyes told me that his next words would be life changing. As he let my hand down my only thought was, 'Please don't let this goodbye.'

"Seto Kaiba," he said calmly. Then he smiled and said, "I love you. Of course I still want to be with you. I'll always want to be with you and I'll always love you with all of my heart."

I let out an almost hysterical sounding laugh as I caught him up in my arms. I nearly cried again as I told him over and over how much I loved him. He just chuckled and allowed me to hold him. Finally, he used his forefinger to tilt my face up to look at him. The look in his eyes caused a different kind of ache in me this time. When he closed his eyes and moved his head forward I immediately complied.

****

I'm not gonna sleep 'till I tough your face

Baby not a wink

The moment my lips brushed his, something inside of me was unleashed. I wanted to make up for all of the time we spent apart. I don't just mean after he left, I mean after I shut him out. I wanted to keep things loving and gentle at first but soon I could no longer handle it. I licked and nipped at his lips, begging for entrance. Katsuya indulged me, and let out a small moan as my tongue began to stroke his. While my one hand tangled itself in his golden locks, I allowed the other to roam. Apparently Katsuya had the same idea. Our breaths started to come in ragged pants, and I could tell that we both knew where this was going.

Katsuya smiled at me and grabbed my hand. Then he led me up the stairs to what was now _our _bedroom again, and to what was about to become another sleepless night for me.

**__**

I can't sleep

Hope it was enjoyable! Please R&R!


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